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my italian holiday

 I went to Italy! This trip came about very randomly and unexpectedly - one day my mum asked when my boyfriend would be visiting next, and when I said that it'd be around mid-august, she asked if we'd like to go on holiday with them. The answer was obviously yes. My parents brainstormed the destination for a few weeks, and eventually we landed on Milan, which then evolved into Como. We stayed in a house in a small village on a mountain, only connected with the city by a serpentine road and a funicular. A five minute walk was enough to get the most beautiful views of lake Como and mountains, and the sunsets we witnessed there were some of the most beautiful I've seen in my life.  We spent a fair amount of time at home, as we all agreed we want it to be a very chill holiday and we didn't wanna run around and stress about schedules and plans. Ironically, every day I'd pass out at 11pm, exhausted from all the emotions and all the climbing we had to do. On the first day ...
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existential crisis and the city

 I'm currently visiting a city I lived in for 3 years during university. I'm here to see a flat I might potentially be renting starting September (that is, if I get accepted to a MA programme I applied to). It's a strange feeling visiting a city you spent so much time in and I'd be lying if I said it didn't send me down a bit of an existential spiral.

The thing is, I really thought I'd spend a big portion of my life here; that this would be the place where I settle down. Two of these years, I lived with someone I thought I was gonna stay with as well. I thought I had built a home, albeit a small and shaky one since I was 20, but mine and one that'd keep growing in a way I'd planned. I saw a man I was going to grow into, a career, a good life, even if a bit disappointing compared to what I'd envisioned as a teenager, but hey, whose isn't?

Now everything is different, but there's not a day where I regret uprooting that life. I might feel lost now, I might have no real plan on how to get to where I want to be, but I do know where I want to get, sort of, vaguely, eventually. I see a version of me that is unapologetically (ok, maybe a bit apologetically) myself. Me, that has given up on the concept of a corporate career and on the concept of sharing a city with over two million people. Me that's in a completely different relationship, likes different music, dresses differently, has new hobbies.

It's weird to come to a place that you thought would become your home just to realise that it was a chapter and even when you return for a couple years, it'll be just another one. Like those episodes of Sex and The City where Carrie moves to LA. I just don't see my life here anymore if I'm being honest. It's hard to say I've outgrown it, like I've outgrown my hometown, but I just can't see this place as ever becoming home to me. And that feels so strange to say. But if this has taught me anything, it's that I can never know what my life will be in 3 years.

picture of warsaw from the tallest building in the city centre

 

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  1. monomalo10 July 2026 at 21:28

    it's always a weird feeling to look back, past me could've never guessed where we i am now, and hopefully in a few years i will be in a different place, even if it feels impossible now

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    1. Nat13 July 2026 at 23:04

      exactly! i find that perspective so freeing and exciting

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  2. mothcub16 July 2026 at 12:46

    Wow it sure was foggy in Warsaw that day.... looks beautiful

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